Implementing the "table top mentality."

Have you ever heard the saying "the family that prays together, stays together? Well, I'm guessing that phrase came about when families weren't so busy and actually had time to do things together. As a kid, we had family night every night. Yea that's right our family night was spent sitting around the dinner table. I remember being outside playing my butt off and hearing my Mom's voice half way up the street screaming "Time for Dinner".. which actually meant stop whatever you're doing, get in this house, wash your hands, and get to the table, before I finish fixing your plate, so that we can say grace, and eat dinner together. My, my, my, how things have changed. When was the last time you actually sat down at the dinner table as a family? Oh, and the holidays or special events don't count.

Today, many families are so busy that eating together is something unheard of. I can recall many of those conversation around our dinner table. You know like, "How was your day", "How was school", "What did you learn in class today"... does any of this sound familiar? Surprisingly, my siblings and I would always have an answer to those prying questions, because we learned "I don't know" or "nothing" was not a good answer. That little "pow-wow" we held around that black Formica table top with chrome legs helped to solve a lot of problems in my life. Conversation about girlfriends, boyfriends, friends and who their parents were, parties, sleep overs, homework, whatever it was, it pretty much came out around the table at dinner. That tradition lasted for many years, and as a Black Man Having Trey Babies, it’s something I'd like to pass on to my familia... I figure that table-top mentality was good then, so surely it has to be good now. But a word of advise, “Be careful what you say, it can always come back to haunt you.”

My wife and I have two totally different schedules. She works a morning gig, like out the door by 7am, and I work the night shift, come in the door around 11pm. My wife hates those hours because she has to deal with the kiddo's during the "prime time" of day. So, being the good husband that I am, I always try and meet them out for dinner during my lunch hour. Yea, it gets expensive, but I figure it’s a small price to pay to give them that "table-top mentality." In the course of this venture, we have come up with a short list of "Kid-Friendly" establishments.. in other words places that won't throw us out for having "loud” children or where the patrons don't give you the evil eye because they either have no children nor do they ever want them.

One of our favorites eating establishments is an authentic Mexican restaurant. They have become so accustomed to us that they've given us our own booth, at least that's what I'm thinking being that we always are seated in the same booth. It’s the one in the very back, near the kitchen away from the other customers. I guess they figure the noise from the kitchen would help drown out the outdoor voices that our kids too often use. Knowing that we only have a small window of opportunity before everything goes to hell in a hand basket, my wife and I have implemented some time saving strategies. One of which is the bathroom drill. As soon as we are seated the first thing I ask is “Who has to go to the Restroom?“ and as always the replies are “not me”. But being the all wise and all knowing father that I am, I suggest we go anyway just to be on the safe side. Mmmm how thoughtful of me.

Another time saving strategy; one should have the menu completely memorized so that as soon as the waiter brings out the water, chips, or whatever, you’re ready to order. Never, and I repeat NEVER give the kids a choice. Always tell them what they are having while faking to read that same menu you have already memorized. Making those small tips a priority can save you a lot of headache.

Once things have settled down a bit, I start the conversation off with a big "So how was your day, how was school?" (Check me out drawing upon that table top mentality that has been so well embedded in me, Mom would be so proud). I can always count on my oldest to answer first being that he has an obsession with being first in everything. "I got a GREEN today", which in his world is the best he could achieve that day. In my world, it tells me he didn't piss the teacher off, curse out any of his classmates, start a fire in the restroom, or pinch any little girls. Had he replied "I got a RED today" our conversation would have taken a turn for the worst. Been there, done that, will go there again I’m sure. My daughter on the other hand will usually repeat what the oldest has just told us, so we make believe we are hearing it for the first time. We also reaffirm what she says with a bunch of really’s, girl get outta here, and for real’s.

At some point during this meal malay, my wife and I will attempt to hold our own conversation. Between the “sit your butt down,” “stop playing with the salt,” “don’t lick the salt of the table,” “use your indoor voice,” “stop staring and pointing,” “get from under the table,” I‘ll squeeze in an….

“How was your day?”

“It was ummm, hold on… if I have to tell you one more time! I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“I asked how was your… didn’t your Mom tell you to stop that? Your day, how was your day?”

“That’s it, do we need to go back to the restroom? My day was fine, how’s your going?”

I’m sure you get the picture. The whole “table top mentality” can be equated to the building of Rome, it’s not going to happen over night. No one said it would be easy, but we’ll keep at it with the hopes that our children will pass it on to their families. I figure if it was good enough for the Walton’s and the Huxtables, then it’s good enough for the Jacksons. By the way, after the numerous attempts at holding our own adult conversation during dinner, we always conclude the following: 1. We’re crazy to even think we could hold a conversation with this rowdy group of high strung kids. 2. No matter how crazy we think they are, we are truly blessed to be in their company. 3. Despite all the chaos, we both are having a pretty good day.