Thanks Dad:R.I.P.

I have always tried to find the humor in life. Believing everything that happens has its own rhyme or reason. Its purpose or dis purpose, and or its lesson to be learned. This is one such instance.

You see, I was brought up "Old School" by a single parent who was not my mom, but my great aunt. She taught me that no one owes you anything, your family is everything, and without God you ain't nothing. Man, do I miss her. At times, being the only guy in a house full of females was a bit challenging. I can't begin to count how many times I was cursed out for leaving the toilet seat in the upright position, or better yet, having to explain the concept of football and how great of a sport it was. I can honestly say, she molded me into the person I am today, and I thank her for that. But sadly, out of all the knowledge and wisdom, and life's lessons she bestowed on me, one thing she never could do was to teach me how to be a man.

I can remember always wanting my dad to be a part of my life. As a kid, I kept an old black and white photo of him on my dresser. I would often find myself staring at it and then glancing in the mirror just to see if I could notice the resemblance. I'd often wonder "is this how I'm gonna look when I grow up?" Sometimes I'd catch myself having a conversation with that photo, explaining how my day went, who I had a crush on, or what I'd like for Christmas. I never knew where it came from, when it was taken or how old my dad was when he posed for it. It was signed "with all my love, Jackie." I knew that he had gotten remarried and started a new family after he divorced my mom. One day, we tried to contact him, but he refused to get on the phone... I always believed he wanted to talk to us, but just didn't want to speak to my mom. At the age of 18, my younger sister and I took a trip to visit him. It was my first time seeing him since I was two. At that time, we were introduced to our half sister and brother who had no clue they were younger siblings. I can still remember the looks on their faces... "surprise". Although my other siblings would stay in touch with him, it would be nearly 20 years before I would see him again. He made a surprise appearance at my wedding.. afterwards he would tell me how proud he was and asked if I could ever forgive him. I did. After that, there would be the occasional phone call around birthdays or holidays, but always brief and to the point. I can remember getting a call whenever the Redskins would play the Cowboys, and talking trash about who would win the game. Man, did he love the Redskins. This past fathers day while sitting in the emergency room with my daughter, I get a call from one of my sisters informing me that dad had passed away. He was seventy. Next week, we'll bury him in Arlington National Cemetery with full honors.

Now, please don't get me wrong, nor do I want you to get the story wrong.. I'm not saying he was a terrible father. I'm just saying that's the way it was. I can remember I would tell myself as a kid, I'd never grow up to be like him. I felt abandoned, betrayed, whatever a kid feels when he wishes his dad was around and he's not, that's what I felt. But it wasn't until recently that I realized, had he not been the type of man that he was, I wouldn't be the type of man that I am. You see oddly enough, he's taught me how to be a man... at least the man I am today. A hard working, providing for my family, love my children, would do anything in the world for them, will always be a part of their lives, never gonna go anywhere type of man. In short, trying to be everything he wasn't is what I'll be to my children. And for that, I want to say "Thanks Dad, Rest in Peace."

I've learned in a short time that being a dad isn't as easy as it portrayed. Growing up watching the Cosby's was just that, "watching TV." It wasn't real. You see, you never saw Bill dealing with things that were not written in the script. Life isn't scripted. We write the script on a daily basis. I decided a long time ago that my script would be different. I promised myself I would be the best father that I could and I would never let my children live a script similar to mine. I knew at some point that cycle had to be broken so I have taken on that responsibility. It's hard, real hard, but I'm determined and focused. My motto: "Sometimes the easy way out, ain't always the easy way out." Think about it.

Now I know a lot of people grow up without fathers in the household, I did... and I'm fine... at least I like to think I am. So please, don't throw me a pity party, or feel like I'm needing sympathy or anything like that. This is about "ME". It's my thank you letter to my father for being himself. He's made me the Blackman Having Trey Babies, a man, a real man, and I'm heading to DC to pay my respect. Funny how life works.

P.S. Keep my family and I in prayer.. and we'll talk when I get back.