You won't believe what I've been reading for the last hour or so.. a discussion on how to induce labor. My wife is so ready to sever the relationship she's formed with our expected son... I'm thinking it's the 100 plus degree weather taking its toll. You know how one gets when they get hot. You start removing clothing, etc. whatever you can just to get cool. Well now that she's more than half naked walking around the house, she's in desperate need of getting the ball rolling. Our efforts haven't worked. So, in a move of desperation she has turned to the all mighty, all knowing, infinite wisdom of facebook in search of a remedy. Sorta like asking the magic eight ball a question... you can ask, but you better be ready for the answer.
Let's start with the more reasonable ones she received thus far. Walking! Yea walking sounds great. The whole gravity thing in motion is theoretically sound. But this is TEXAS, one Grey Hound bus stop from hell. She's trying to induce, not implode... "poof".
How about the suggestion of bouncing on one of those exercise balls. Yea, that could work, but I'm seeing a major accident waiting to happen. For one, how do I explain that to the 911 operator...and is that something covered by my homeowners insurance. "911 whats' your emergency"... "ummm you see what happen was."
And my all time favorite suggestion. Consume hot sauce, while taking a hot bath, with hot peppers in the bath water, a hot cloth over her forehead, all while singing "its getting hot in here". Now that sounds like a winner. Can't you just see the visuals.
Those where the reasonable ones. Outrageous is the mere suggestion of consuming CASTOR OIL. Oh my God.. I'm trembling as I write. I'm a child of the 70's, grew up in an old school household where the only time we saw a doctor was on TV. Between castor oil and vicks salve, a health plan in our household was never needed. For the record, anyone who can take castor oil is a bad muther shut your mouth. As a way to lessen the taste (if there is one) it was suggested to mix it with OJ and sip it with a straw. "WHAT." Do you think a pink umbrella would help to?
Moms, are great. They always have answer for everything. What the doctor can't cure, moms can surely make it feel better. Gotta love that infinite wisdom.
Umm, do I hear bath water being drawn in the background?
In an effort to discredit the belief that "Black Men make great babies, but don't make great fathers" I have decided to chronicle my journey of fatherhood. Yes, that's right if you have guessed by now I'm an African American male and I am a true father.
1 comments:
O my God... Stoney, you make me laugh! Of course, I'm laughing WITH you, not AT you, right?!? ;o)
I feel your (or `Quenda's pain, anyway)... except for the 100 degree heat part, which has got to be F'ing MISERABLE. I was just barely North of TX when I was pg with Christopher, but I induced my way out of my misery in mid-May...
here's my suggestion: drop the little minons off at Mimi's, shut the door and run like hell (actually, that part might help with the labor too!), then go sit in front of a window unit, sip a margarita and just wait... love and luck to you both! :)
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